Chicken Soup
by Koneko Cain
Summary: Bakura is ill, and it's up to Mariku to look after him. Yaoi, sarcasm and Mariku in a nurse outfit.


Disclaimer: I still haven't managed to get my hands on Yu-Gi-Oh, so it's not mine.  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, poorly Bakura, pointlessness, mention of cruelty to animals, very bad language, sex, OOC, almost PWP and probably loads more things... I forgot... Oh, yeah! Don't forget the humour.   
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Another random, spur-of-the-moment fic, because I have some spare time but can't be bothered writing anything that is suposed to have a plot. The established couples in this fic are Marik/Bakura (That's the yamis), Yami/Yuugi, Kaiba/Ryou and Malik/Otogi. Anyway, this is pointless and stupid, but hopefully funny. If not, you can tell me off.   
  
Chicken Soup  
  
[Bakura POV]  
  
"Urrgh..."   
  
That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Bad. I mean, not bad as in kicking children and lighting cats, bad as in feeling naseous and wanting to vomit blood, or something equally drastic but amusing. I'd quite like to be able to vomit blood on demand, just to see the look on Marik's face. Then again, he'd probably be really impressed and ask me to do it again. He's like that.  
  
Right now I think I'm in my bed. I'm not completely sure, because everything is swaying and for all I know I could be on a boat. I really don't want to open my eyes yet, because my head hurts and I'm hoping I might fall asleep again. When Marik, my oh-so-sympathetic 'sex toy' (since 'lover' and 'boyfriend' both make me sound like a girl) finds out I'm feeling a little... poorly, I'm relatively certain he'll torment me as much as he possibly can. That would be a lot. He's surprisingly inventive, which is a good thing when I'm not sick.  
  
Alright, I am Yami no Bakura, the great and powerful tomb robber. I am the darkness! I am not afraid to open my eyes. So, here goes...  
  
I open my eyes a tiny, tiny crack, and scream. That was highly undignified. However, opening one's eyes to find Marik staring at you from about half an inch away is something that will make most people scream. It's true, the closer he gets, the more insane he looks. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not insane. Well, not very much. I'm just evil.  
  
"Good morning!" Marik chirps brightly, his ridiculous hair sticking out at all angles and looking far too complicated for me to deal with. Even his hair makes my brain hurt. Gods, I'm not well! I haven't been sick in about five thousand years. And no, we're not counting all the times I got drunk enough to throw up until I passed out. We're talking real illness here, the kind with fevers and passing out and chicken fucking soup. You may have twigged, I'm not overly fond of the stuff. Ryou is always coming over here with meals he's cooked for Marik and I, because for some strange reason he believes we can't take care of ourselves living on our own without our hikaris. He's right, of course, if he didn't bring us all that healthy shit he cooks - because I swear he's a woman - we'd be living on toast, because that's about all I can cook, and even then I burn it. We won't even go into Marik's cooking skills. He's so bad at it he's like the anti-cook. As in, anti-christ? You get the picture. Sufficed to say, if you eat something that Marik has cooked, it will kill you, and that is pretty much guaranteed. He is quite possibly the only person in the world able to make a bowl of cereal and have it be lethal.  
  
"Mornin'." I finally answer him, then turn away and pull my pillow over my head. It will mess up my hair, but then, who would ever notice?   
  
"Are you ever going to get up? Or are you just going to lay there all day like a lazy, white-haired, sexy, thieving, blood..." He trails off, his eyes glazing over. He tends to do that sometimes, you get used to it after a while. I look out from under my pillow and poke him between the eyes, watching with a smirk as he snaps back to reality, or as close as he ever gets to it.  
  
"What was I saying?" He looks confused.   
  
"You were offering to make me a cup of coffee." I tell him, just about trusting him to manage that without accidentally inventing an atomic bomb in the kitchen whilst trying to work the microwave. Yes, I am fully aware that a microwave is not needed to make a cup of coffee. Tell Marik that.  
  
He looks sceptical for a moment, then shrugs and wanders off to do my bidding as I silently congratulate myself on the fact that he may be stronger -only slightly, mind - but I am much, much smarter.   
  
...  
  
I think, perhaps, I should get up now. Only because of the black smoke seeping under my door from the kitchen, though.   
  
[Marik POV]  
  
Bakura is poorly!! Mwahah! He thinks I can't tell, but his face is all flushed and he looks like he's going to collapse while he puts out the huge fire I accidentally started where the kettle used to be. I really don't know how that happened, things just seem to burst into flames when I touch them.   
  
Another reason I know he's sick is because he doesn't even bother to glare at me. He just sits down at the table and starts stabbing at it with one of his knives. He always has about five or six knives on him, hidden up his sleeves and in his belt, and probably in his hair, too. That's funny. I giggle out loud and he pauses in his stabbing to give me a 'look' then carries on. After a few minutes Alice the overly-affectionate cat comes up and starts rubbing against his leg. I can tell he wants to kick it, but our hikaris bought the thing for us when we moved out, so we have to keep it alive. It loves everyone. Usually animals can sense evil and give us a wide berth, but this cat is very, very stupid and likes to walk right in front of us to try and knock us over, then stare at us with its big, blank eyes. It reminds me of Anzu, or maybe the pharaoh's brat. Huuuge eyes, no brains, and the common sense of a peanut. And also, it is madly annoying. It purrs all the time. Not just when it's happy, I mean all the time. Permanently. I want to shred it, or microwave it or something, but that would upset Malik and Ryou, and Malik would stop coming over here to clean up our flat, and Ryou would stop feeding us. Our freezer is filled with frozen meals he makes for us, which is rather pointless because neither of us has any idea how to cook them. They come around a few times a week to 'mother' us, though, and Ryou can cook really well. I wonder if he'll make Bakura eat chicken soup again? The last time Bakura ate that stuff he took one taste and spat it out all over the pharaoh. That was funny. The look on his face was priceless as he stood there dripping with the stuff. That led to the pharaoh trying to 'mind crush' Bakura, who jumped out of the way and laughed like a maniac when the mind crush thingy hit some old lady and sent her to the shadow realm. The stupid pharaoh bought her back, though, and she hit him with her handbag. Even Kaiba was in hysterics at that, and pharaoh no baka sulked for three days straight. I hope that happens again, I think it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Well, except for the time we kidnapped Jounouchi, stole his clothes and stuck him in a box, then posted him to Kaiba. Or the time we broke into Otogi's house and sent his furniture to the shadow realm. Or when we stole Kaiba's car and went joy-riding through Domino, then parked it back in his garage with all the doors and the roof missing. Heheh.  
  
Hmm, I wonder what I should do about Bakura? He's poorly-sick and I should probably look after him like a good boyfriend. Then again, I'm evil and crazy, so maybe I should just go attack some random people instead? Decisions, decisions. Nah, think I'll be a good boy and take care of my suffering koibito today, then he can reward me by letting me play with the blender again. But how can I make this more fun? Hmm...  
  
[Bakura POV]  
  
I'm going back to bed before I keel over and have to be carried by that idiot Marik. Who, by the way, vanished back to his room a minute ago to do Ra-knows-what. I don't trust him. I don't trust anyone, actually, but that's beside the point. He's up to something. I can tell because I can hear him giggling like the freak he is. I'm slightly worried now, so I shall go and lie down before I rip out his vocal cords to shut him up.  
  
....  
  
Oh. My. Ra.  
  
He's going to play my nurse today. How do I know this? Because he is stood right next to my bed wearing a nurse uniform. A very, very short, frilly, black and white one. And he's holding a thermometer.   
  
"What the-" I demand, only to be cut off by another of his manic giggles.  
  
"I'm going to take good care of you all day, Bakky!!" He tells me. Oh, joy.  
  
"Call me Bakky again and I will tear your spine out through your mouth and strangle you with it." I growl, staring at the ceiling with my eye twitching madly.  
  
"Open wide, Bakky!!" He suddenly cackles, and a moment later I find him sitting on my chest, pinning my arms down with his legs.   
  
"Get off me before I stab you." I hiss in my most evil voice, the one that usually has people fainting from terror on the spot. Unfortunately, this is Marik and he just smirks. I must not be turned on by that... Gritting teeth now.  
  
"It's time to take your temperature, Bakura-chan..." He tells me, in a scarily seductive voice. Suddenly I am very, very worried. And also very horny, because he's sitting on my freaking chest, wearing a nurse's dress and looking at me through half-lidded purple eyes.  
  
"What if I don't want to?" I smirk. He raises an eyebrow in that sexy, evil way he has, then takes the thermometer and trails it up my throat, over my chin and between my lips. Fine, fine, I'll take the damned thing. I let him take my fucking temperature, but only because he's sexy and I'm too sick to care at this point. Nice as it is having him sitting on my chest, though, I think he might be suffocating me, so I roll over and watch him fall off the bed. Heheh. He pouts for a moment because I think he hit his head on the floor. Not that one more blow to the head will really make any difference, he's already pretty much as unhinged as you can get. Jumping up after a moment, he grins wickedly at me, leans over for a quick kiss, then bounces off out of the room. Yes, he bounces. He's mad enough to get away with it, too. I'm highly disturbed and still quite turned on by his clothes now, but I shall endevour to go to sleep, because the pharaoh may want revenge for the fact that I once spat chicken soup at him, and in my current state I'd have to rely on Marik to save me, which would not only be pathetic and girly, but would also be very stupid because he tends to go overboard and he'd probably kill all three of us showing off. It's times like this that I wish he gave a damn about what people think of him, because a picture of him wearing that nurse outfit would be great blackmail material. I could get him to do the shopping for me for weeks! I hate shopping. Luckily, we don't go much, and our shopping list is thankfully very basic because (other than Ryou's ready-meals) we live on vodka, Sugar Puffs and toast. The local supermarket staff know us and fear us, which amuses me greatly. The pathetic mortals cower in fear when we walk through those magic doors (which Marik likes to try and creep up on to see if they can 'sense his presence' or something. Freak.). The reason I hate shopping so much is because we always, always end up running into that disgusting little 'Yuugi-tachi' hive-mind. They think as one, I swear. Luckily they fear us sufficiently and usually leave us alone very quickly after I threaten to tear out Yuugi's spine and beat his fanclub to death with it. That usually makes Marik laugh, and I'm quite tempted to actually do it. Of course, then the pharaoh would freak out and kill everyone, and I'd end up in the shadow realm again. I'm getting sick of that place. You do one little thing wrong around him, and he banishes you. Talk about overreacting. All I did was try and kill all his friends, you'd think he'd be grateful since they're so utterly annoying all the Ra-damned time. I'm surprised he hasn't killed them himself yet. And he calls himself a Yami. That's just pathetic.   
  
I have this huge long list of people I still haven't killed but I can't work on it because pharaoh no baka will banish me to the shadow realm again. Git. That make inu is on the list, so is that friendship-ranting bitch Anzu, and the pharaoh's hikari (just because that would kill the pharaoh, too. Talk about two birds with one stone!), and Honda, because his hair is just so annoying! I guess there are a few people I'll spare when I finally get around to my reign of terror, though. Like Ryou, because he's my hikari and if I kill him I'll die too, so he gets to stay. And Malik, because he's Marik's hikari, and I need them to help me rule over the mortals. And Kaiba can stay, too, because I quite like all those insults he comes up with about Jounouchi. Make Inu!!! Meheheh. Mai can stay too, because she actually once told Anzu to shut up in the middle of one of her 'let's-all-be-friends-and-love-one-another' rants. She scored brownie points for that. I think I'll feed Anzu to Osiris, once I finally manage to win (steal) it. Of course, by then I'll have all seven Sennen Items, so I'll have the pharaoh's power and be able to come up with all sorts of really fun ways to kill people and their pets. I hope Anzu has a pet, maybe a dog or something. Then I can skin it, I bloody hate animals. Did I mention that Marik and I have a cat? A really fucking annoying cat called Alice? Who the hell named that thing anyway? It's not even a female cat! It's a bloody male cat called Alice! I think Malik might have named it, because he has these days sometimes where nothing he says or does makes any sense to anyone except him. It's quite amusing.   
  
Hmm... I wonder what Marik is up to? I heard him cackling a minute ago but he's being quiet now, which worries me. When he's cackling he might be up to something, but when he's quiet you know he's up to something. Oh, who gives a damn what he's doing? I'm going to sleep before my brain melts and Marik has to scoop it up and keep it in a jam jar. That was... a weird thought. Oh, forget it.  
  
[Marik POV]  
  
Guess what I did?! I invited everyone (including pharaoh no baka) over here to look at Bakura and 'cheer him up because he's poorly and needs sypmathy'. Heheh. He's going to be so pissed off with me. I like his angry scowly face, which is why I try my best to annoy the crap out of him. I'm very good at it.  
  
The doorbell/buzzer/thingy just made that noise it makes, so I should probably answer the phone/intercom/thingy and see who it is.  
  
"What?" I snap into the phone, then giggle crazily just to scare whoever happens to be on the other end of the line waiting for me to let them in by pressing the 'open the damn door' button. That's what Bakura says it is, anyway.  
  
"It's us, yami, Malik and the others. You going to let us in or what?" My hikari asks me, and I think about this for a while before remembering why I invited them here in the first place. Well, not exactly invited, more like ordered them to get over here and help me torment Bakura. Fun!!  
  
"Ok," I shrug and press the button, then bounce off to open the door of the apartment for them. Meheheh. Bakura is going to freak out. I love it when he does that. I wonder if he'll kill anyone? He's so cute when he's tearing someone to shreds with his bare hands and feeding chunks of them to his Man-Eater Bug.  
  
Ah, it looks like they're here, Bakura should be waking up soon.... Meheheheheh...  
  
[Bakura POV]  
  
Mwa? I thought I heard something. Wait... Oh, holy shit!! I'm going to tear someone limb from limb if that's what I think it is!  
  
"Bakura! We're here to take care of you!"  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"Marik told us you were ill,"  
  
"Aww, poor tomb-robber."  
  
Oh look, Marik kindly invited everyone we know over here to see me on my deathbed. I'm going to kill him...  
  
"Go and die, pharaoh, and take your fanclub with you." I tell him as he stands over my bed looking stupid and short, as usual.  
  
"Oh dear, what's wrong with you, yami?" Ryou asks me, looking all worried and pathetic with his big, brown eyes that remind me of Bambi. Makes me want to clap really loud and see if he bolts. Heheheh.  
  
"I have the plague. Come closer so I can give it to you." I tell him, and he tries to scowl at me but he can't do it because he's too freaking nice to scowl at anyone, even me.  
  
"Watch it, tomb robber." Kaiba growls at me and comes up behind Ryou, wrapping his arms around him all protective-like. Oh, please. Don't make me any sicker than I already am.  
  
"Go screw a tree, Kaiba." I tell him. Wow, what a weird thing to say. I must be getting worse, my head feels all fuzzy and my ability to insult these morons is failing rapidly. I think maybe I need some alcohol before my flu or whatever kills me.  
  
"Yami! That wasn't nice!" Ryou informs me. No, really?  
  
"It wasn't meant to be. Why the hell are you all here, anyway?" I ask, although I know the answer already. They're here to torment me, because they know that I hate all of them but they still insist on coming to annoy me.  
  
"Marik invited us." Malik tells me.  
  
"Oh. Tell him I'm going to find a suitably painful method of revenge once I stop being fucking ill." I tell him. Malik's eyes go blank for a minute as he tells Marik this though the link they have, then he blinks and looks back at me.  
  
"He says 'ok then'."   
  
Oh, well that was an anticlimax. Damn. Not that I really expected him to be terrified, or anything, it just burst my evil bubble a bit. Scowling now.  
  
"Don't swear in front of my hikari, tomb robber." Pharaoh no baka warns me.  
  
"Why the fuck not?" I ask with a grin, and watch Yuugi hold the pharaoh back from whacking me with something. The good thing about the pharaoh is that he's totally whipped and won't really do anything cruel and vengeful in front of his little wimp of a hikari. Not that mine is any better, I just don't care about shielding him from the evil I happen to enjoy doing.  
  
"Is there anything you need?" Ryou asks me, cuddling with Kaiba, who is playing with his hair. Excuse me while I throw up violently. Romance and fluff is just... disgusting.  
  
"For you to go away?" I offer, randomly picking up a metal letter opener from my bedside table and hurling it at Otogi, who squeaks and ducks as it thuds into the wall where his head was a moment ago. Heheh. Otogi goes very pale and edges closer to Malik, who glares at me a bit. Not that I care. The pharaoh is also glaring at me, but I take a moment out to imagine him in a bunny-girl suit and burst out laughing just to confuse him. He looks very stupid when he's confused.  
  
"What's so funny, tomb robber?" He glares.  
  
"The tail." I tell him, and he has no idea what I'm talking about. Do I care? No. Why the hell are they all still here? I've almost killed one of them, are they really dense enough to still believe that I want them here?!  
  
"Hikari," I mutter, "get your rich boyfriend to buy me something to drink before I snap and do something fun." Ryou knows what my idea of fun is, and goes even paler at my decidedly evil grin. Kaiba just growls. I'm terrified, really. Yawn.   
  
"Why should I do anything for you?" He demands. I just smirk and slide my eyes back to Ryou, who squeaks.  
  
"Tell him why, hikari." I grin, folding my arms over my chest. Everyone else is just standing around watching me, which is quite annoying.   
  
"Uh... Please, Seto?" Ryou whispers, "I can see what he's thinking and it isn't pretty..." Aww, poor Ryou. I send him another mental image of some random person's guts falling out and he whimpers, turning around to cling to Kaiba, who glares at me even more. Mwahah.  
  
"Fine, just stop tormenting Ryou." He hisses at me, and I shrug.   
  
"Ok. I want vodka." I smirk, and he takes Ryou off down to the nearest shop to fetch me my much-needed alcohol. Hmm, I wonder what the pharaoh is like drunk? I love getting my own way. Maybe I can get them all to play drinking games and humiliate themselves? That would make me feel better. Also... Why has no one mentioned anything about Marik's nurse outfit yet? Did they just not notice or something? And where the hell did he get that dress, anyway?  
  
[Marik POV]  
  
Kaiba and Bakura's hikari just came in with a huge crate of vodka. I think Bakura had something to do with that. I should probably forbid him from drinking it because he's all pathetic and ill, but he'd just laugh at me and drink it anyway. Besides, I don't really care, and the only way I could stop him drinking his vodka is by tying him down. Actually... Nah, I'll wait until the freak parade has left before I do that. I wouldn't care normally and I'd just screw Bakura to the shadow realm and back right in front of them, but right now it looks like there are better things to do. Not that there really are many things better than screwing Bakura, but this looks fun as well. He's gathered all the freaks in the lounge and made them sit around in a sort of circle (and me too, but I have him on my lap. He doesn't seem to care, even though he's getting a lot of weird looks. I think his fever is getting to him.). Everyone has shot glasses in front of them, and I think he wants us to play a game. He's explaining it now. It's called 'have you ever?' Well, that's a stupid name for a game, but the rules sound fun. Apparently we go around in a circle and say something, and everyone who has done it has to drink a shot of vodka. This should be... evil. Mwahahaha.  
  
[Bakura POV]  
  
I'm sitting on Marik's lap like a woman, but am too poorly to care. I feel quite pathetic now. He's still wearing that nurse outfit and I've noticed that everyone else is trying to act as though they can't see it. Heheh. Stupid mortals. And pharaoh. He's not mortal, but is stupid, so he goes with them.  
  
Ok, I think I'll go first because this is my game and I want to.  
  
"Have you ever... worn a dress?" I ask, smirking because Marik is wearing one right now. He scowls at me then grins and takes a shot, licking his lips. Damn him. I'll get revenge later, though. Right now I'm watching the other freaks. Otogi takes a drink after a moment, so does Marik's hikari and my hikari. The pharaoh's brat also takes a shot. What is it with hikari's and cross dressing?! I decide not to ask, because I really don't care and am quite disturbed by the thought of those three and Otogi in dresses. Especially the pharaoh's hikari. The others I can just about handle, but that thing with the huge eyes freaks me out. The thought of it in a dress disgusts me, and I grab one of the bottles of vodka to drown my horrific mental images. Nobody seems to care. Not that I would care if they cared. I am confusing myself...  
  
Next it is Marik's turn. He seems to be thinking something evil, because he's giggling again. He's also grinning madly, but he does that all the time anyway, so I'm used to it.  
  
"Have you ever slept with someone under the legal age?" He asks, then takes a drink. I blink at him for a moment then remember what he's talking about and take a drink as well, smirking. Oooh, I'm starting to enjoy this. We both have matching smirks now. I can just see the fireworks when somebody asks who. Heheheh.  
  
"Who?" The pharaoh's brat asks, right on cue. Marik and I both grin wickedly and turn to look at Kaiba, who looks confused for a moment. Soon, though, his eyes go all wide in realization and he looks like he's about to collapse. My hikari looks worried. Heheheh. Kaiba is shaking with rage, so I hold up my hands and laugh.  
  
"Relax, it was completely consentual, ask him yourself!" I say, then cackle at the look on dragon-boy's face. Well, Mokuba's in trouble when his brother gets home. Hahaha!! Actually, that kid is on my list of people I don't particularly want to kill. Marik and I get on quite well with him because he has no problem with us being evil, and joins in most of the time.  
  
"You-you-you freaks slept with my brother?!" Kaiba screeches, and Ryou is trying to hold him back. "When??" He demands.  
  
"Most Wednesdays?" Marik answers, and Kaiba goes really pale as it sinks in that his brother has been screwing around with us. Heheheh. Well, I'm enjoying myself.  
  
...  
  
After Ryou has managed to get Kaiba to calm down and stop hyperventillating, we get on with the game. Kaiba is still twitching every now and again, but it's funny to watch.  
  
"Have you ever been to jail?" Ryou asks in his sissy voice. I think he's trying to calm Kaiba down. Not that I care. Marik and I both take a drink, because we know the local police station like a second home and just because we've been there doesn't mean they ever managed to keep us there. Actually, most of the time we just got locked up for the night for being drunk and disorderly, but only when we were too out of it to remember we had magic sparkly powers. Malik and Otogi also take a shot each, and pharaoh no baka raises an eyebrow at them in question.  
  
"Indecent exposure." Malik smirks. Otogi is blushing, which is sickening. I don't even want to know.  
  
"Have you ever been in a threesome?" Kaiba growls out. Marik and I both take a drink and grin at him, making him even more pissed off than he already was. Didn't think that was possible, but it seems we've managed it. I'm quite proud of our achievement. Weirdly, pharaoh no baka takes a shot, too. He refuses to comment, and his hikari-brat looks a little surprised, but I suspect it has something to do with five thousand years alone with the Dark Magician and the Celtic Guardian. I wonder who was on top? Actually, that's a highly disturbing thought so I hope he never tells me. Urgh, now I'm getting really weird mental images. Otogi and Malik take another shot as well.  
  
"Jounouchi." Malik grins. Freaks. Eww, they slept with that... dog. Even Kaiba looks disgusted at the thought. Heheh.   
  
"Have you ever had sex outside your house?" The pharaoh's brat asks. Pathetic creature. Who does he think we are? It's quite funny, actually, because everyone except him takes a drink and he gives pharaoh no baka an accusing glare. Then we take turns remembering where we've screwed other than our nice, comfy beds. Actually, mine isn't that comfy because the springs are wearing through from over-use, but that's beside the point.  
  
"Wal-Mart." Malik announces first. Otogi grins and thinks for a moment. Freaks, how often do they screw outside? Is it a hobby of theirs or something??  
  
"The beach." Otogi finally says.  
  
"Ooh, I remember that." Malik grins, looking happy. Urgh, eww.  
  
"Seto's offices..." My hikari blushes. Oh, please. The stuck-up CEO just smirks in agreement. I give him my best 'Ha-ha, Marik and I screwed your little brother' look and then raise an eyebrow at the pharaoh.  
  
"Duellist Kingdom." He says easily. I never realised what a total freak he was before. And I thought Marik and I were bad.  
  
"On the roof." Marik and I say together, and Kaiba looks sceptical.  
  
"How did you manage that?" He asks, and I can see he doesn't believe us.   
  
"Ask your brother." I tell him, and he gives me the most murderous glare I've ever been on the happy recieving end of before. I stick my tongue out at him and completely ruin the effect. Wow, I'm feeling really childish today. Must be the fever. Must...drink...more. Suddenly I feel dizzy. This is... pathetic. Oh, hell, the room is spinning. Wait, no, it stopped. I'm ok now. Good. Yes, want to play game more.  
  
"Have you ever given your lover a hickey anywhere interesting?" Pharaoh no baka purrs, looking all sexy. Bastard. Yuugi looks quite disturbed, because he can't see the Dark Magician sitting next to the pharaoh. Marik and I can. Heheh. Oww... Evil laughter makes my head spin...  
  
[Marik POV]  
  
I think Bakura is going to pass out soon. Wait... wait... Yep, there he goes. Aww, he looks so cuuuute. Heheh. He just gave this really sexy little moan and collapsed against me like a total girl. I'm going to tease him so much if he ever wakes up. Anyway, everyone else is looking a bit shocked, except the pharaoh who doesn't really care. And Kaiba, who still looks pissed off that Bakura and I screwed his brother. Hehe. Like that's going to stop us. Well, I can't leave him all passed out on me, so I pick him up all romantic-like and carry him off to my room to lie him on the bed. Once I've set him down he groans and opens his eyes a bit, looking like he has a killer headache. I hope he does, I like seeing him in pain. I like seeing him bleed more, though.  
  
"Did I just pass out?" He asks, sounding annoyed.  
  
"Yup!" I grin cheerfully. He says some very naughty words and rolls over, clutching at his head. Aww, poor baby.  
  
"Fuck." He hisses.  
  
"Ok," I offer, and he glares at me. Actually, he glares at me then grins.  
  
"Paracetamol first, then sex." He insists. Pansy. Oh, fine, I'll get your girly painkillers. He watches me with his sexy, sexy, yummy eyes as I stalk off to find some aspirin or something. As I leave my room I notice that everyone is leaving quietly. Damn, that ruins all my fun. I wanted to kick them out. As Kaiba walks out the door he growls and never takes his eyes off me, like it's going to scare me or something. Doesn't he know who I am? Fear goes right over my head, I'm too crazy to be afraid of anything. Especially him, he's about as scary as plasticine. Although, being buried alive in plasticine would be quite scary.   
  
Oo, I found Bakura's medicine. It's in the medicine cabinet behind all his knives and weird sharp masochist crap. I get him a glass of water to wash it down. Usually he's too macho to drink water with pills, but I'll let him off tonight because he's all ill and just passed out, yet still wants sex because he's a nymphomaniac or something. I don't know, long words aren't my specialty. Bakura is better at that sort of thing. I just like to bite people and think random things about plasticine and sex.   
  
[Bakura POV]  
  
I want sex, but also I feel like shit. Marik has bought me aspirin, so problem solved! Ok, I'm waiting for it to kick in and stop my head feeling like Malik's stereo now. It's working, it's just too damned slow. Shit, I'll just take another few. Ok, now I feel better. Time for sex! And this is where you freaks get off, because this party is invitation only, and only Marik and I are invited. Heheheh. I can tell I'm going to regret this in the morning because hangovers and stupid illnesses combined make a happy soup of agonizing pain, but believe me, it's worth it. Smirk.  
  
End  
  
That was... long. And rather pointless. Forgive the weird couples and character bashing, and the fact that Jounouchi was only mentioned once. 


End file.
